If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I know I should slow down, but I just can’t,” you’re definitely not alone. And sometimes, slowing down doesn’t even cross your mind—yet you still feel overwhelmed and stretched too thin.
In my work as a therapist, I meet many adults who have spent years operating at a fast pace. Some feel they should rest but can’t seem to do it; others don’t recognize the need to rest at all—until the exhaustion or anxiety catches up with them. And when they do try to slow down, it often feels anything but relaxing. Instead of calm, they experience restlessness, racing thoughts, guilt, or a sense that something’s off.
It’s easy to assume this means you’re doing something wrong. But in reality, your nervous system may be interpreting the shift into rest as a signal to stay alert.
Coping in Overdrive: Why Keeping Busy Keeps You Anxious
If you live with high-functioning anxiety, staying busy likely became your way of coping. Keeping active creates a sense of control and predictability. But over time, that coping style can become rigid—and start to fuel the very symptoms it was meant to soothe.
Here’s how that often shows up:
-
Stillness brings up uncomfortable thoughts.
When you stop moving, thoughts and feelings that have been pushed aside can surface quickly—sometimes without warning. This might include intrusive thoughts (distressing or unwanted thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere) or rumination (replaying worries or what-ifs on a loop). Without the usual distractions, these mental patterns become louder. -
You equate productivity with worth.
Many high-achieving adults link their value to how much they’re doing. If you're not being productive, it can feel like you're falling behind—or like you're not measuring up. -
Your coping strategies depend on distraction.
Constant activity often serves as a way to avoid discomfort. When you remove that buffer, uncomfortable thoughts or sensations can come rushing in. -
Physical symptoms arise when you try to relax.
You may notice muscle tension, shallow breathing, or a racing heart when you try to unwind. Some people feel an almost immediate urge to get up and do something. This is known as relaxation-induced anxiety, and while it can be unsettling, it’s a common nervous system response. -
You're afraid of losing control.
Slowing down requires a small amount of surrender. For anxious minds that rely on structure and control to feel secure, this can feel unsettling—even if things are objectively okay. -
You’re uncomfortable with open-endedness.
Unstructured time can feel unpredictable, and unpredictability often registers as “unsafe” for those living with chronic anxiety. So your brain defaults to what it knows: keep going.
These responses aren’t character flaws. They’re learned patterns—adaptations that helped you cope with stress, uncertainty, or pressure. But over time, these same strategies can leave your nervous system overstimulated and stuck in high gear.
Why Slowing Down Triggers Anxiety
When your nervous system is used to being on alert, stillness feels unfamiliar—and unfamiliar can easily be mistaken for unsafe.
Because slowing down is unfamiliar to your nervous system, your body may interpret it as a sign that something’s wrong—even when nothing is.
This can trigger a stress response, such as:
A racing heart
Tense muscles or shallow breathing
A restless, unsettled feeling
An increase in intrusive thoughts or mental “noise”
It’s not that rest itself is a threat. But your system has learned to treat motion and productivity as “safe,” and stillness as a signal to brace for impact. It’s a misinterpretation—but it feels real in the body.
Signs You Might Be Uncomfortable With Rest
These are some of the most common signs I see in clients who find it difficult to slow down:
-
You feel anxious or edgy when there’s “nothing to do”
-
Resting or relaxing makes you feel guilty or unproductive
-
You have trouble sitting still—even when you’re physically drained
-
You feel more emotional when you stop, and can’t always explain why
-
You fill your schedule—even your downtime—to avoid open space
-
You only feel “okay” when you’re helping, achieving, or ticking something off your list
These patterns often start early and become automatic. But they’re not set in stone.
What Changes When You Learn to Slow Down
Slowing down doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you start caring for yourself with the same urgency and dedication you give to everything else.
As your nervous system begins to recognize rest as something safe and valuable, you may notice:
-
Less emotional reactivity—less snapping, spiralling, or numbing out
-
Clearer decision-making and better focus
-
Deeper, more restful sleep
-
A greater sense of ease in relationships
-
A stronger connection to your own limits and needs
At first, it may feel uncomfortable or unnatural. But with time and support, it becomes more manageable—and even restorative.
How Therapy Can Support You
Therapy can help uncover the deeper patterns driving your anxiety—and offer tools that support long-term, sustainable change. This isn’t about eliminating anxiety completely. But with the right strategies, you can reduce its intensity and frequency, and respond in ways that feel more grounded and intentional.
In our work together, we might:
-
Explore why rest feels difficult or unsafe for your system
-
Identify how anxiety shows up in your daily thoughts and routines
-
Use CBT tools to challenge unhelpful beliefs about productivity and worth
-
Build a set of personalized coping strategies that support you without adding pressure
-
Shift from short-term relief to longer-term anxiety management
You don’t need to change everything at once. Therapy offers space to slow down, reflect, and practise new ways of relating to stress, rest, and your own expectations.
Slowing Down Isn’t Giving Up—It’s Returning to Yourself
In a culture that celebrates being busy and doing more, slowing down might feel unfamiliar or even irresponsible. But if constantly pushing yourself hasn’t brought the ease or peace you’re looking for, it may be time to consider another way.
What if you’re not failing to keep up—just running on empty from trying so hard for so long?
You deserve rest—not because you’ve earned it, but because you’re human.
Ready to Practise a Different Pace?
If you find it hard to slow down, or feel like you can’t stop without falling apart, I’d be glad to support you. I offer online therapy for adults in Ontario, using a thoughtful and collaborative CBT approach. Together, we’ll explore what’s keeping you stuck—and start building more sustainable ways to care for yourself.
You don’t have to do more.
You’re allowed to pause.
If you’re ready to get started, let’s connect.
